Or limping. Crawling. Being carried. Or carted.
This has been a strange and unexpected season of the deployment for us. I'll explain. After Andrew left Oregon when his R&R was done, the next few months seemed to fly by! There went the rest of October! Whoa! That blur was November! Oh, and Merry Christmas to all!
It's been the "Happy New Year" that has suddenly braked and mercilessly thrown us against our seatbelts. Whiplash! It's only January 12th. It feels like we've been in this month forever. From 80mph in the carpool lane to rush hour gridlock.
For the last week or two, all we want to talk about is Andrew's homecoming and how quickly the calendar says it's approaching. And then the next day finally comes and we talk about it more. Then the third day actually feels like the first day and we're not one minute closer to the elusive end. We could talk about how happy we'll be soon...but we've already talked about that. A million times. And apparently, talking doesn't bring us nearer the finish line.
Here in these last months, we see Satan trying his level best to discourage us at every turn, beat us up, and knock us off track in the final laps. It's clear that he wants us out of the race. He's so evil and he doesn't play fair. Issues long past are being flung at us afresh. Fears that have already been demolished have crept back up with a new veneer. Was my faith stronger at the beginning of this race than it is now? Have I not grown at all?
I was hoping to finish strong. Victoriously! With head held high, a smile on my face, and arms stretched heavenward in faith and glory to God.
But I've exhausted all my muscles. I can't run anymore. Strength is gone. That's why I'm crawling. But moving is good, isn't it? Although it doesn't look victorious and I don't smile every day. And if my arms are stretched heavenward, it's simply because I'm begging to be lifted.
Lord Jesus, lift me up! Help me to stand and walk and finish the race by Your grace. Whatever condition I'm in by the end won't matter. Only that You brought me through. If I stop crawling, please carry me. On second thought, You could carry me now.
I know You have been all along. And I realize that the hardest parts of the entire race have been when I've tried it alone. But I can't finish alone. I want to rest in Your arms. I want to walk with You. I want to see You. Thank You, Jesus.