It's been wearing on me lately.
The whole checking to see if the door's locked at night, making sure I don't fall asleep with the ceramic heater running, shutting down the house for the night and trying to get all cozy and warm... Now, it's not the getting cozy and warm that's wearing on me. It's having to do it all by myself and for myself. It's the lack of closure at the end of the day that I so crave. And it's the unsettled feeling of knowing that Andrew's not here to take care of me.
Not only that...
It's changing the oil, rotating the tires, paying the bills, juggling the credit cards, washing the car, killing the bugs, moving the furniture, taking out the garbage, replacing the porch light bulbs, and always driving home alone.
It's stopping at Starbucks, sleeping in on Saturday, driving through drive-thrus, attending parties, watching a favorite TV show, signing birthday cards, buying new Fall clothes, going to church, cooking up something to eat, watching movies at home...alone.
It's the alone that's wearing on me. Cause I may be surrounded by people, but nothing's as fun - or feels quite right - without Andrew.
I miss you today, Baby.